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| Ferry from Amsterdam to Edinburgh, Aug 2013 |
Before a new SoulJahm phase begins, I want to say a few things about the death of Kate and about the life she lived from my perspective. I can't presume to know totally what is going on inside another human being but we shared as close a journey together as two humans could so maybe I can try and give an insight into our way of living on her behalf. Even to call it a "way of living" is not quite right because there is no way.
The simplest way I can put it is that Kate was enjoying her life moment to moment too much to be concerned with death. That might be too simple for some to accept but that is what I saw. From the moment the first difficulties with her body showed up until it was no longer possible she was adamant she wanted to carry on what we were doing. She didn't want to miss out on LIVING NOW by being side-tracked with concerns for her health. What label you stuck on her condition was pretty much irrelevant because it was what it was in any given moment. It wasn't that she was deliberately being reckless or ignorant, simply that she did not feel to take any action for a long time and what was going on now was all that mattered and she included in that any difficulties present in her body. But those difficulties were not going to stop her LIVING. She never saw or felt of herself as ill (see video below for a further explanation of this). What I saw is that wherever we were, whatever we were doing, was the only place she wanted to be and the only thing she wanted to be doing. There was no room for anything else.
I have seen too many indications now that an individual's death is somehow predestined. Things they say or do in the years leading up to their death, and looked at in hindsight, suggest to me that on some level it is known they don't have much time left. I don't necessarily think the individual consciously knows when they are going to die but something does and it is often reflected in their behaviour.
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| Budapest, April 2011 |
To onlookers it might look like what Kate was doing wasn't all that special. No big achievements, no wordly successes, no fancy career. Surely she couldn't be happy with that? But that is the very value system we were spotlighting all the time as false. That's why people who achieve all those things are never happy, its never enough, they always want more. You've got the family in place, you've got your house, your career but still you're never satisfied. Peace and contentment comes from inside and what you do after discovering that becomes fairly irrelevant. The paradox seems to be that when you hit upon that peace inside, your outside world begins to change and reflect that and you fall into doing something that gives you great joy without having any big intentions. It happens quite effortlessly.
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| Barcelona, Sep 2011 |
This is what we found in SoulJahm. The way of it, the twists and turns, the ideas and visions around it, all happened and continue to happen totally spontaneously. It is a living discovery. Looked at over a period of time it might appear we planned and strived for it, and knew what we were doing, but the actual fact of living it is nothing at all like that. Even the struggle of it becomes a joy in a way that is hard to explain. When things got tough we'd often stop for a moment, before recognising and saying to each other "I'd still rather be doing this than anything else in this life" and we'd be back on track. Never did I see any regret in Kate at what she'd given up to live like this. I don't believe you can regret it once it happens but that is difficult to get across to those contrained by their own mental imprisonment. Even in the final months, she wanted to be in this Music energy field. It didn't matter that she wasn't actively taking part any longer, she was content just to be around it and immersed in it and nothing else would do. Those who cannot feel that Presence will doubt that but who feels it knows it.
Living like this can only be understood from the inside not from looking on as a bystander. Everything was and is still being lived moment to moment without needing to know where you are going next. That is a beautiful way to live and I would say the Highest way to live and Kate lived her last years this way. Once the body could no longer go any further on that path there was nowhere left to go. Now the body may be gone but the energy that is Kate is indestructible and that energy will always be part of what is here now as SoulJahm.
Jah Rastafari!
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| Florence, July 2011 |
